Jane's Story

Written by Jane

My childrens father was my first boyfriend, I thought we would be together forever, but things didn't turn out that way. Which I am grateful for now, in a way, because we are totally not suited to each other.

Our first child was planned, we were living together, talking about marriage, both had good jobs, then one day he just ended it. I had nowhere to live, he kept my part of the bond etc. Because I didn't have anywhere to live I ended up having to move back to my hometown and family, and leave my job.

My first pregnancy was a struggle, I was absolutely heartbroken, had financial struggles as I had gone guarantor on my ex's debts. I also felt like a loser for not having a job anymore, I never thought I would end up on the benefit.

Trying to set up for a baby on a sickness benefit was hard. My Mum was my rock and still is.
When by beautiful girl was born I fell in love with her. Eventually I got my life back on track - I got my own house and a job. 

Then I gave him another chance, long story short, failed contraception and along came my second gorgeous girl. Their father bailed when I got pregnant (and hasn't had much involvement since) and I ended up having to leave work again. I haven't been able to get back into the workforce because the kind of jobs I can get involve shiftwork, not possible without support.

 The things I struggle/d with as a solo parent;
-Having very lonely, heartbroken pregnancies.
-Loneliness!!!! and isolation.
-Having no backup in emergencies.
-Not getting a break.
-Feeling odd moments of jealousy when women with partners talk about all the help they get.
-Judgmental people, and the constant negative stereotypes the media keeps putting out there.
-Struggling to keep ahead of the bills and provide my children with a healthy diet.

 The awesome benefits of my life taking this turn have been:
-My amazing children! They are such cool little people, I feel privileged to be their Mum. I love them so so much.
-Gaining a huge amount of self confidence, and becoming a much stronger and more independent person than I would have been had I not been through what I have.
-My kids inspire me daily to improve myself and be a better person.
-The knowledge that there are such genuine, loving and generous people out there who go beyond the extra mile to help out.

Being a solo Mum was not where I imagined life would take me, but now I love my independence. Sometimes life is a struggle, but I am very lucky that I have my Mum and my children's paternal family to help me. My children deserve the best I can give them, therefore I am studying full time, so that in the future I can get a job that doesn't involve shiftwork. To all the newly single Mums out there, Kia Kaha, there is a light at the end of the tunnel!