Katrina L's Story

Written by Katrina L

I was unable to have children in my first marriage which was the hardest thing to accept in your 20's when others around you had children, and you worked with them as a Nanny.

My first marriage didn't last however, and to be honest there will always be love in my heart for the first man that ever took it, after 9 years of being together and marriage we separated.

 Many years past and I meet my children's Dad; a funny, attractive, very clever man, that had everything going for him, except he had a bad childhood that he couldn't get over.

He over used prescription medicine. I didn't know this at the time.

I was told by the doctor that it would be almost impossible for me to conceive due to poly cystic ovaries and that if we ever wanted a child that I would have to go on a drug to make this happen.

So we didn't use protection, as we were told that we didn't have too, however 3 months later I did fall pregnant, not planned but very much wanted. 

Things went well after that, well so I thought, and we decided when our daughter was nearly two that we would have another baby. 

We weren't struggling, Bob was holding down a well paid job. We had another child, it was then that things went really down for Bob, and he was overdosing on the prescription medicine. 

In fact he always was, I just didn't know it as he had kept it very much from me, and as we weren't living together he managed to do so.

He attempted suicide quite a few times, and I would leave everything to help him, or so I thought. I always rushed to his side, leaving the children for a few hours with a friend.

Bob hit his head at work one day, which lead to temporal lobe epilepsy and from then things just became a whole lot worse.

He would knock on the door at night, and threaten me verbal threats. It became so bad that I took out a Protection Order against him to safe guard me and the children. The relationship was so over at that time, he wasn't the man that I meet, but had become some stranger. 

Two weeks before Christmas 1996 he spend some time with me, and asked me if there was anything that I needed help with or to be shown. He helped to show me about changing oil, and water in my car, we talked, he told me that he was taking the pills like lollies. I told him that he needed to get professional help, which he did but was always in and out of hospital. 

Two days later on the Monday night, I got a knock on my door. It was my next door neighbour and the Police, they told me that Bob had taken his life and that I had to go and identify his body. I rang my best mate who came with me, it was the hardest thing in the world to do.

We didn't go to the funeral as his mother had banned us from going, suicide effects people in different ways. The blame that the victim puts on others is huge, and I could of fell apart, but I didn't. My belief in God, my best friend, and my children held me together. 

Two years later my daughter was diagnosed with Cancer. She was taken away from me, in fact both my children were. They were housed in two separate places. I didn't do anything to deserve this, but what I could of had was support, but wasn't given any of that except through counselling.

I went into a family prison, well it felt like that at the time, gave up everything to get my daughter back, it was heart breaking to see her so upset. 

To move on, after years of fighting through the Family Court, I finally have both my girls with me. Hard work at times, but love does win through in the end.

Also a year after Bob died I meet another man, and we were friends for many years, until It struck me that I felt more. He lives overseas, but by the grace of God we will be together soon, hopefully when my older daughter finishes primary school at the end of the year.

He is a big part of mine and the girls lives, we all love him, as he does us.

He is not Bob, I will never meet another Bob again, but he does make me happy, and I am very focused on the future now.

What I would like to say is; never give up, life can throw us some terrible blows, but love will always win over in the end!

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