Single Parent Stories
Sometimes as a single parent we can feel like we are all alone on our own, struggling along on our path in life. To help others we want you to share your story with us, whether its one of despair or of joyous hope and inspiration, we want to hear it! Submit your story to us in knowing that it will definitely be helping someone else out there with their journey. You are amazing no matter what your story is! Please submit your story using the following form, and also please take a moment to read other's amazing stories!
Katrina L's Story
I was unable to have children in my first marriage which was the hardest thing to accept in your 20s when others around you had Children, and you worked with them as a Nanny..
My first marriage didnt last however, and to be honest there will always be love in my heart for the first man that ever took my heart after 9 years of being together, and marriage we seperated..
Many years past and I meet my childrens Dad; a funny, attractive, very clever man, that had everything going for him, except he had a bad childhood that he couldnt get over.
He over used prescription medicine.I didnt no this at the time..
I was told by the doctor that it would be almost imposible for me to concieve due to poly cystic ovaries and that if we ever wanted a child that I would have to go on a drug to make this happen..
So we didnt use protection, as we were told that we didn't have too, however 3 months later I did fall pregnant.. not planned but very much wanted.
Things went well after that, well so i thought.. and we decided when our daughter was nearly two that we would have another baby.
We weren't struggling, Bob was holding down a well paid job. We had another child, it was then that things went really down for Bob, and he was over dosing on the prescription medicine.
Infact he always was, I just didn't know as he kept it very much from me, and as we werent living together he managed to do so.
He attempted suicide quite a few times, and I would leave everything to help him, or so I thought.. I always rushed to his side.. leaving the children for a few hours with a friend..
Bob hit his head at work one day, which lead to tempril lobe epilepsy and from then things just became a whole lot worse..
He would knock on the door at night, and threaten me verbal threats.. It became so bad that I took out a Protection order against him, to safe guard me and the children. the Relationship was so over at that time, he wasnt the man that I meet
but some Stranger.
Two weeks before Christmas 1996. he spend some time with me, and asked me if there was anything that I needed help with or to be shown,He helped to show me about changing oil, and water in my car.. we talked he told me that he was taking the pills like lollies.. I told him that he needed to get Professional help, which he did but was always in and out of hospital..
Two days later on the Monday night, I got a knock on my door, It was my next door neighbour and the Police they told me that Bob had taken his life... and that I had too go and Identify his body.. I rang my best mate who came with me.. it was the hardest thing in the world to do...
We didnt go to the funeral as his Mother banned us from going.. suicide effects People in different ways.. the blame that the victim puts on others is huge... and I could of fell apart but I didnt my belief in God,My best friend, My Children held me together..
Two years later my daughter was Diagnoised with Cancer.. she was taken away from me.. infact both my Children were.. they were housed in two sep places.. I didnt do anything to deserve this but what I could of had was support.. but wasnt given any of that except through counselling..
I went into a family prison.. well it felt like that at the time,gave up everything to get my daughter back.. it was heart brakeing to see her so upset.
To move on.. after years of fighting in the Court room, I finally have both my girls with me.. Hard work at times.. but love does win through in the end...
Also a year after Bob died I meet another man, and we were friends for many years.. untill It struck me that I felt more.. He lives over seas.. but by the grace of God we will be together soon.. hopefully when my older daughter finishes Primary School at the end of the year...
He is a big part of my and the girls lives, we all love him, as he does us..
He is not Bob, I will never meet another Bob again, but he does make me happy.
and I am very focused for the future now..
What I would like to say is never give up life can throw us some terrible blows.. but Love will always win over in the end...
My first marriage didnt last however, and to be honest there will always be love in my heart for the first man that ever took my heart after 9 years of being together, and marriage we seperated..
Many years past and I meet my childrens Dad; a funny, attractive, very clever man, that had everything going for him, except he had a bad childhood that he couldnt get over.
He over used prescription medicine.I didnt no this at the time..
I was told by the doctor that it would be almost imposible for me to concieve due to poly cystic ovaries and that if we ever wanted a child that I would have to go on a drug to make this happen..
So we didnt use protection, as we were told that we didn't have too, however 3 months later I did fall pregnant.. not planned but very much wanted.
Things went well after that, well so i thought.. and we decided when our daughter was nearly two that we would have another baby.
We weren't struggling, Bob was holding down a well paid job. We had another child, it was then that things went really down for Bob, and he was over dosing on the prescription medicine.
Infact he always was, I just didn't know as he kept it very much from me, and as we werent living together he managed to do so.
He attempted suicide quite a few times, and I would leave everything to help him, or so I thought.. I always rushed to his side.. leaving the children for a few hours with a friend..
Bob hit his head at work one day, which lead to tempril lobe epilepsy and from then things just became a whole lot worse..
He would knock on the door at night, and threaten me verbal threats.. It became so bad that I took out a Protection order against him, to safe guard me and the children. the Relationship was so over at that time, he wasnt the man that I meet
but some Stranger.
Two weeks before Christmas 1996. he spend some time with me, and asked me if there was anything that I needed help with or to be shown,He helped to show me about changing oil, and water in my car.. we talked he told me that he was taking the pills like lollies.. I told him that he needed to get Professional help, which he did but was always in and out of hospital..
Two days later on the Monday night, I got a knock on my door, It was my next door neighbour and the Police they told me that Bob had taken his life... and that I had too go and Identify his body.. I rang my best mate who came with me.. it was the hardest thing in the world to do...
We didnt go to the funeral as his Mother banned us from going.. suicide effects People in different ways.. the blame that the victim puts on others is huge... and I could of fell apart but I didnt my belief in God,My best friend, My Children held me together..
Two years later my daughter was Diagnoised with Cancer.. she was taken away from me.. infact both my Children were.. they were housed in two sep places.. I didnt do anything to deserve this but what I could of had was support.. but wasnt given any of that except through counselling..
I went into a family prison.. well it felt like that at the time,gave up everything to get my daughter back.. it was heart brakeing to see her so upset.
To move on.. after years of fighting in the Court room, I finally have both my girls with me.. Hard work at times.. but love does win through in the end...
Also a year after Bob died I meet another man, and we were friends for many years.. untill It struck me that I felt more.. He lives over seas.. but by the grace of God we will be together soon.. hopefully when my older daughter finishes Primary School at the end of the year...
He is a big part of my and the girls lives, we all love him, as he does us..
He is not Bob, I will never meet another Bob again, but he does make me happy.
and I am very focused for the future now..
What I would like to say is never give up life can throw us some terrible blows.. but Love will always win over in the end...
Jane's Story
My childrens father was my first boyfriend, I thought we would be together forever, but things didn't turn out that way. Which I am grateful for now, in a way, because we are totally not suited to each other.
Our first child was planned, we were living together, talking about marriage, both had good jobs...then one day he just ended it. I had nowhere to live, he kept my part of the bond etc. Because I didn't have anywhere to live I ended up having to move back to my hometown and family, and leave my job.
My first pregnancy was a struggle, I was absolutely heartbroken, had financial struggles as I had gone gaurantor on my ex's debts...I also felt like a loser for not having a job anymore, I never thought I would end up on the benefit.
Trying to set up for a baby on a sickness benefit was hard. My Mum was my rock and still is.
When by beautiful girl was born I fell in love with her. Eventually I got my life back on track, got my own house and a job.
Then I gave him another chance, long story short, failed contraception and along came my second gorgeous girl. Their father bailed when I got pregnant (and hasn't had much involvement since)and I ended up having to leave work again. I haven't been able to get back into the workforce because the kind of jobs I can get involve shiftwork, not possible without support.
The things I struggle/d with as a solo parent;
-Having very lonely, heartbroken pregnacies.
-Loneliness!!!! and isolation.
-Having no backup in emergencies.
-Not getting a break.
-Feeling odd moments of jelousy when women with partners talk about all the help they get.
-Judgemental people, and the constant negative stereotypes the media keeps putting out there.
-Struggling to keep ahead of the bills and provide my children with a healthy diet.
The awesome side effects of my life taking this turn have been:
-My amazing children!!! They are such cool little people, I feel priveledged to be their Mum. Love them so so much.
-Gaining a huge amount of self confidence, and becoming a much stronger and more independant person than I would have been had I not been through what I have.
-My kids inspire me daily to improve myself and be a better person.
-The knowledge that there are such genuine, loving and generous people out there who go beyond the extra mile to help out.
Being a solo Mum was not where I imagined life would take me, but now I love my independence. Sometimes life is a struggle, but I am very lucky that I have my Mum and my childrens paternal family to help me. My children deserve the best I can give them, so I am studying full time, so that in the future I can get a job that doesn't involve shiftwork. To all the newly single Mums out there, Kia Kaha, there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
Our first child was planned, we were living together, talking about marriage, both had good jobs...then one day he just ended it. I had nowhere to live, he kept my part of the bond etc. Because I didn't have anywhere to live I ended up having to move back to my hometown and family, and leave my job.
My first pregnancy was a struggle, I was absolutely heartbroken, had financial struggles as I had gone gaurantor on my ex's debts...I also felt like a loser for not having a job anymore, I never thought I would end up on the benefit.
Trying to set up for a baby on a sickness benefit was hard. My Mum was my rock and still is.
When by beautiful girl was born I fell in love with her. Eventually I got my life back on track, got my own house and a job.
Then I gave him another chance, long story short, failed contraception and along came my second gorgeous girl. Their father bailed when I got pregnant (and hasn't had much involvement since)and I ended up having to leave work again. I haven't been able to get back into the workforce because the kind of jobs I can get involve shiftwork, not possible without support.
The things I struggle/d with as a solo parent;
-Having very lonely, heartbroken pregnacies.
-Loneliness!!!! and isolation.
-Having no backup in emergencies.
-Not getting a break.
-Feeling odd moments of jelousy when women with partners talk about all the help they get.
-Judgemental people, and the constant negative stereotypes the media keeps putting out there.
-Struggling to keep ahead of the bills and provide my children with a healthy diet.
The awesome side effects of my life taking this turn have been:
-My amazing children!!! They are such cool little people, I feel priveledged to be their Mum. Love them so so much.
-Gaining a huge amount of self confidence, and becoming a much stronger and more independant person than I would have been had I not been through what I have.
-My kids inspire me daily to improve myself and be a better person.
-The knowledge that there are such genuine, loving and generous people out there who go beyond the extra mile to help out.
Being a solo Mum was not where I imagined life would take me, but now I love my independence. Sometimes life is a struggle, but I am very lucky that I have my Mum and my childrens paternal family to help me. My children deserve the best I can give them, so I am studying full time, so that in the future I can get a job that doesn't involve shiftwork. To all the newly single Mums out there, Kia Kaha, there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
Stephenie J's Story
I'm a 42 year old single mother of a 19 month old toddler. This wasn't the plan. My then partner and I were having some problems when I fell pregnant, and when 3 months pregnant we went our separate ways. I've always been quite independent and adventurous, so the thought of going it alone didn't really phase me. I wasn't quite prepared for the constant relentless lack of sleep that comes with having a baby and I'm still getting used to the fact that you have to be on your "game" 24/7. You take your eyes off my boy and he's sitting on the dining room table texting your friends on your phone (happened this morning - managed to send 5 texts). All the muttering aside, I've got a wonderful little boy who is the joy of my life.
Last year I managed to do 3 level 4 management papers at Polytech. I've got to do 8 to get a NZIM Certificate in Management. I'd like to do another 4 this year, but funds are running low and I'm starting to apply for full time work. I don't know how I'm going to cope working and caring for my son on my own; but other people do it so it must be possible.
I'm in a coffee group with a wonderful bunch of women. Sometimes I feel a little alien though. When they start talking about what their husbands do with their children, or when they plan nights out and I can't participate I try not to feel jealous, but it's tough.
I have my parents and my sister nearby, but they find my son a bit of a handful - very active - and aren't prepared to take him for more than a couple of hours once and a while.
I sometimes get depressed (not clinicly, just sad days). I started smoking again after my son was born - I think it saved my sanity. I want to give up because I can't afford to do it anymore, but am terrified to try and fail. It's become such a crutch. If I hadn't started again I probably could have stayed off work longer - I feel pathetic ... its a vicious cycle.
I can't say I love my life at the moment, but wouldn't have it any other way. Who knew you could love someone so much.
Last year I managed to do 3 level 4 management papers at Polytech. I've got to do 8 to get a NZIM Certificate in Management. I'd like to do another 4 this year, but funds are running low and I'm starting to apply for full time work. I don't know how I'm going to cope working and caring for my son on my own; but other people do it so it must be possible.
I'm in a coffee group with a wonderful bunch of women. Sometimes I feel a little alien though. When they start talking about what their husbands do with their children, or when they plan nights out and I can't participate I try not to feel jealous, but it's tough.
I have my parents and my sister nearby, but they find my son a bit of a handful - very active - and aren't prepared to take him for more than a couple of hours once and a while.
I sometimes get depressed (not clinicly, just sad days). I started smoking again after my son was born - I think it saved my sanity. I want to give up because I can't afford to do it anymore, but am terrified to try and fail. It's become such a crutch. If I hadn't started again I probably could have stayed off work longer - I feel pathetic ... its a vicious cycle.
I can't say I love my life at the moment, but wouldn't have it any other way. Who knew you could love someone so much.
Sara L's Story
At 17 I discovered that I was pregnant. I was shocked, scared, unprepared, and only a little bit excited - this was definately not how I imagined falling pregnant. At an early scan I discovered that their wasnt just one little heartbeat, there was two, I was having twins!
I was not in an ideal situation; living with my useless (for want of a more expletitive word) partner, no qualifications, low salary job, and my parents had just moved to Australia. My pregancy was relatively easy in the beginning, until at 21 weeks it was discovered that I was already dilating. I spent a couple of weeks in hospital, fast-forward to 26 weeks, I had been transferred out of Auckland hosptial to Waikato hospital due to lack of beds, and suddenly my little angels were born! I hadn't yet been to antenatal classes (they were due to start the following week)and I honestly had no idea what to expect! Although being the eldest child and having had grown up around lots of babies, I didnt expect two tiny (under 1kg) babies, with translucent skin and hooked up to dozens on life-saving machines!
The months that followed were an array of tests, more machines, triumphs of feeding, babies stopping breathing, multiple tests, air amublances, breast pumps, and new terminology.
Their father left back to Auckland the day they were born, and we didnt see him for a month, until we got transferred back to Auckland hospital. Auckland was more waiting, sitting in the hospital, all day everyday, waiting for the boys to grow enough to finally go home! When the home date was nearing, I realised I actually didnt have a home suitable to take them too. I spent two days, arranging money with WINZ, and finding a suitable flat. Surprisinly, it was quite easy, and I took my babies home. Two days later, we were back in starship. Home, starship, home, starship. This pattern occurred more than regularly for the first two and half years of their life.
When my boys were 6 months old, I finally kicked their father to the curb, although it took custody orders, protection orders, too many court dates and and multitude of 111 calls for him to finally get the hint and leave us alone. I struggled financially, but I found the hardest thing was (and still is) to give two children all the attention and time that they need, and deserve. While the early years were spent in and out of hospital, once the boys gained strength and health, we attened playgroup and mainly music- - our life savers! Whilst the majority of women were much older than I was, they never made this an issue, and we made some wonderful friendships - one playgroup lady actually gave me her old car!! When the boys were almost four, and WINZ decided to not be as helpful as they were in the early days, I decided it was time to focus on myself, and the future of my little family, And enrolled to do a in a Bachelor of Education. Suddenly there was daycare to sort out, lots more bills to pay, stationary to buy, not mention the amount of time I needed to put into studying and assignments! My parents were still living in Australia, and while I have some fantastic friends, and more than fantastic grandmothers, at the end of the day, it was just me and the boys. But I plodded on, and just managed, until something came up...one of the kids was sick, I had no money to put gas in the car so couldnt go to class, an incident at daycare meaning I had to pull the boys out and find them a new one. Just before I started Uni, my little sister passed away, so I had the grief of that to deal with as well. I'd like to say that one day something magical happened, and it all suddenly got easier, better, and more affordable, but I cant.
The boys are now 5, (6 this weekend) and are happy, mostly healthy children. My mum and sister moved back to NZ so i now have their support (not that i didnt before, but its easier with them in the same country!) Ive almost finished my degree, have one more paper to do next semester, as the workload just got on top of me earlier in the year and I pulled out of the paper.
The boys father has played a virtually non-exsistent role in the boys life. Quite recently when I randomly bumped into him, he decided he'd like to see the boys, so after a LOT of thinking I allowed him to. Unsuprisingly he came to the first visitation, but not the second, and havent heard from him since. I personally am quite happy to not have him around, but it hurt the boys.
There are good things and bad things about being a single parent, I like the fact that I make all the decisions in the boys lives (sometimes with their help) but its horrible not having anyone to back you up in tricky situations. Its more difficult when I'm sick, tired, or just want a little rest. But the joy I get from the two of them is exceedingly awesome!! Im very proud of how far we've come, and although I hope to have more children one day, and this time with an equal partner, nothing could ever compare to the experiences and happiness me and my little family of 3 have done.
I was not in an ideal situation; living with my useless (for want of a more expletitive word) partner, no qualifications, low salary job, and my parents had just moved to Australia. My pregancy was relatively easy in the beginning, until at 21 weeks it was discovered that I was already dilating. I spent a couple of weeks in hospital, fast-forward to 26 weeks, I had been transferred out of Auckland hosptial to Waikato hospital due to lack of beds, and suddenly my little angels were born! I hadn't yet been to antenatal classes (they were due to start the following week)and I honestly had no idea what to expect! Although being the eldest child and having had grown up around lots of babies, I didnt expect two tiny (under 1kg) babies, with translucent skin and hooked up to dozens on life-saving machines!
The months that followed were an array of tests, more machines, triumphs of feeding, babies stopping breathing, multiple tests, air amublances, breast pumps, and new terminology.
Their father left back to Auckland the day they were born, and we didnt see him for a month, until we got transferred back to Auckland hospital. Auckland was more waiting, sitting in the hospital, all day everyday, waiting for the boys to grow enough to finally go home! When the home date was nearing, I realised I actually didnt have a home suitable to take them too. I spent two days, arranging money with WINZ, and finding a suitable flat. Surprisinly, it was quite easy, and I took my babies home. Two days later, we were back in starship. Home, starship, home, starship. This pattern occurred more than regularly for the first two and half years of their life.
When my boys were 6 months old, I finally kicked their father to the curb, although it took custody orders, protection orders, too many court dates and and multitude of 111 calls for him to finally get the hint and leave us alone. I struggled financially, but I found the hardest thing was (and still is) to give two children all the attention and time that they need, and deserve. While the early years were spent in and out of hospital, once the boys gained strength and health, we attened playgroup and mainly music- - our life savers! Whilst the majority of women were much older than I was, they never made this an issue, and we made some wonderful friendships - one playgroup lady actually gave me her old car!! When the boys were almost four, and WINZ decided to not be as helpful as they were in the early days, I decided it was time to focus on myself, and the future of my little family, And enrolled to do a in a Bachelor of Education. Suddenly there was daycare to sort out, lots more bills to pay, stationary to buy, not mention the amount of time I needed to put into studying and assignments! My parents were still living in Australia, and while I have some fantastic friends, and more than fantastic grandmothers, at the end of the day, it was just me and the boys. But I plodded on, and just managed, until something came up...one of the kids was sick, I had no money to put gas in the car so couldnt go to class, an incident at daycare meaning I had to pull the boys out and find them a new one. Just before I started Uni, my little sister passed away, so I had the grief of that to deal with as well. I'd like to say that one day something magical happened, and it all suddenly got easier, better, and more affordable, but I cant.
The boys are now 5, (6 this weekend) and are happy, mostly healthy children. My mum and sister moved back to NZ so i now have their support (not that i didnt before, but its easier with them in the same country!) Ive almost finished my degree, have one more paper to do next semester, as the workload just got on top of me earlier in the year and I pulled out of the paper.
The boys father has played a virtually non-exsistent role in the boys life. Quite recently when I randomly bumped into him, he decided he'd like to see the boys, so after a LOT of thinking I allowed him to. Unsuprisingly he came to the first visitation, but not the second, and havent heard from him since. I personally am quite happy to not have him around, but it hurt the boys.
There are good things and bad things about being a single parent, I like the fact that I make all the decisions in the boys lives (sometimes with their help) but its horrible not having anyone to back you up in tricky situations. Its more difficult when I'm sick, tired, or just want a little rest. But the joy I get from the two of them is exceedingly awesome!! Im very proud of how far we've come, and although I hope to have more children one day, and this time with an equal partner, nothing could ever compare to the experiences and happiness me and my little family of 3 have done.
