Your Ex and Facebook

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Over the past couple of weeks I have seen in a couple of single parent Facebook  groups, a few different postings of people getting upset by what they have seen on their ex's Facebook page. Yes curiosity of what your ex is up to is only natural, but why do it to yourself? I have nothing against befriending an ex of the distant past that you no longer have any ties to, I've befriended a few ex's over the years, but when it comes to your children's other parent, unless you guys have a remarkable co-parenting relationship and get on great, don't do it, don't even stalk their page, there is very little positive that will come of it.

Reasons why not to stalk your ex's Facebook page, or befriend them:

  • Ask yourself why do you really want to know what they are up to. Is it for a logical reason that will leave you better off? If the answer is Yes, then fair enough, if not then don't do it.
  •  Are you likely to get upset over something that you may see that you don't agree with? If the answer is Yes, then don't do it, why put yourself through the trauma?
  • Are you doing it to collect information on them? If the answer is Yes, then ask yourself why do you need to collect information on them? If it's for legitimate reasons, then go ahead, but doing it to see if their reason stacks up for not having the children for the weekend is not a legitimate reason, and will most probably leave you feeling worse off.
  • Is your ex absent from your children's lives and you want to see what they are doing in their childless life? Don't do it, it will only build more resentment towards them. Know that you are doing the best for your children, you aren't missing any of their milestones, and feel empathetic towards your ex - they're missing out on their child's life, all the good stuff as well as the bad, and they have to live with that for the rest of their lives - would you want that burden?
  • By befriending them, do you think it will give you a chance to see how much better off you are without them? Will you start posting how great your life is, and exaggerating how things really are? If you answered Yes, then don't do it, is it really going to make you feel any better, or are you just playing mind games? Know that things did not work out for a reason, and live your life without reference to them.

Very rarely are there going to be positives from stalking your ex's Facebook page or befriending them. Don't upset yourself by what they are or are not doing. You have to co-parent with this person for the rest of your lives, so try and keep the relationship with them as positive as possible, even if they are presently absent from your child's life - there may be a time when the re-enter into it. Remember that children are more likely to thrive when they see that their parents can get along, instead of fighting and bickering. Keep focused on your own life and doing the amazing job that you are doing raising your children.