I hate hearing the 'C' word before the first of December, and it really irks me when I walk into shops mid October and all the decorations are hanging about the store, with huge displays of tinsel and baubles for sale in the center of the stores - it shows exactly what Christmas is about these days - consumerism, unless you are a broke single parent. I loathe consumerism and that we live in a capitalistic world, brainwashed into buying 90% of crap that we don't actually need so that big business can keep making their fat pockets even fatter, but I also feel no joy in the lead up to Christmas due to not having enough money to buy my boys some of the things they would like. My last couple of Christmases we have been dead broke, and this Christmas we are steering down the barrel of it being our poorest one yet, but what we lack in money, is made up for in friends and family, and this is where our joy in Christmas lies.

I know that I'm not the only one who gets stressed at this time of year, it's something that thousands of us sole parents have to face, it kinda goes with the territory of being a sole parent. So what do we do to keep our sanity at this time of year instead of sinking in a pool of our own misery? We focus on what we do have; our children, our health, a roof over our heads, food (as plain as it may be for some) in our bellies, our family, our friends, be grateful for what we do have, as the true meaning of Christmas is far from what society would have you believe these days. Lets get back to basics, whether you are religious or not, the true meaning of Christmas started with Christ. I'm not saying that we all should be celebrating Christ (especially since I am open to everyone's different beliefs), but I mean the basics of good decent values and morals; be kind to one another, show love for one another, smile at a stranger and ask them how their day is going, help someone less fortunate than you - even if its as simple as making a sandwich for the local homeless man down the road. At this time of year charities are crying out for help - whether it be monetary or hands on, taking your kids to volunteer at a local charity could turn out to be the best gift that you give them this Christmas. 

Yes I hate the 'C' word before the 1st of December, but it is also a word that can stand for so much more than those flush money hoarders importing cheap goods into their chain store would have you believe. Christmas can be a time of great meaning and gratitude, lets teach our children what it is really about! 

Loneliness is one of the big factors that single parents find themselves experiencing. I am an admin for a Facebook support group for single parents, and loneliness quite often comes up as a topic of discussion. Whether it's once the kids are in bed at night, or they have gone to spend time with their other parent, or you have an important celebration to attend, or you are just climbing into a cold bed at night wishing you had someone to cuddle up to, loneliness rears its ugly head.

I see loneliness as a process that you go through as you adjust to being on your own, and learning to find yourself. I won't deny it, I still get fleeting bouts of loneliness, but that is all they are these days, just fleeting moments of wanting someone to cuddle up to, to talk about my day, and to make plans with. I can't say that you will get to the stage of where loneliness will never occur, as you would have to be a pretty insensitive hermit to not experience it, but there are ways to limit it and lessen it's effects on you, after all, loneliness could just lead you into a disastrous relationship if you do not deal with it properly.

Finding Solitude
In the first year or two, it is a commonality to experience severe bouts of loneliness, especially as you adjust to being on your own. It is important that you focus on yourself and your children during this time, work on healing your heart and get your emotions in check. A break up is a huge hit to our self confidence, self esteem and and self worth. Not only are we trying to deal with our emotions the best we can, we also have our children who are hurting and adjusting to the new situation. A new relationship is not going to fix everything, it will only be a temporary band aid over the scar.

To find solitude it is important to focus on yourself, and create a happy balance. Here are my suggestions to help in searching for solitude;

• Join a local single parents support group, and attend their meetings. It's not just a great way of meeting new people, but also a great way of meeting like minded people who have been through similar experiences. It's also a great way for your children to meet other kids from single parent homes, and to make connections.
• Join an online support group. We have our message boards on this site that you can join to chat with other parents. It's a great way of sharing your problems, and giving and receiving advice in a setting where you can remain anonymous. Another great is to join one of the many Facebook groups that have been set up for providing support to single parents. There are many that provide a safe and supportive environment, and are a great way of connecting to others who are going through or who have experienced a similar situation to yourself. The only downfall to these groups is that anything you post is not anonymous, unless your profile details are different to your real identity.
• Learn to love yourself. Do not listen and take onboard what your ex thinks about you. That is their opinion and their problem, and the most likely untrue perception of you. You are not the fat, ugly person that nobody wants to love, even if you are over weight - love yourself, being over weight has nothing to do with the person who you really are, societies perceptions on beauty are misinformed from superficial, unhealthy and disillusioned ideals. Take the 'who cares what society thinks' attitude, and love yourself for the beautiful person you are. You are lovable, you are beautiful, and you are a good person, once you believe this, then you will find the right person to begin a rewarding relationship with. 
• Undertake a course on selfworth, I know many women's centers (sorry Dad's, this is a service I am still to find for Dad's) hold these courses, and they are absolutely fantastic in starting the journey of finding who you are, and building your self esteem and confidence.
• Find some hobbies and/or interests. Do not dedicate your whole life to your children, make some time for yourself, even if it is only joining an interest group on Facebook, you still need contact with others and have time for yourself.
• If your children are in Day Care or school, find an organisation to volunteer at. Volunteering provides you with a sense of gratitude and reward. It will boost your self esteem and self confidence.
• Spend some time out in Nature. Take a walk on the beach, through the bush, or just lay outside for a few minutes and listen to the sounds of nature.
• Have a night out with friends, even if you do not have family to babysit and have to spend a month saving for a baby sitter, make a priority to get out at least a few times a year. Online single parent groups normally have social get-togethers which are a lot of fun, step outside of your comfort zone.
• Read affirmations of self love daily. To believe that you are a beautiful and wonderful person that is worthy of being loved, repeating affirmations on a daily basis will help you with building this self belief.
• Undertake some counselling sessions if you need someone to talk through events with, it helps to have someone to get you thinking from different perspectives and to start thinking in a healthier light. There are a lot of organisations out there that will provide counselling services for little to no fee, ask around, some providers may have funding available.

All these processes will help you on your path to finding yourself, and to loving your self. Self love is the key to dealing with loneliness, and finding comfort within solitude!